Tomorrow well almost today.

Tomorrow or well essentially today I am going to make applesauce and apple pie filling with some friends to can. I made Jam with two of them and a few others a couple months ago. It was a lot of fun. I hope that applesauce and pie filling will be too. I really should be sleeping but of course I am not. I can't sleep and don't want a pill that will make me sleep.
Thanksgiving is coming up. I would like to think I am ready for it but I am not. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. And now not so much. My mom passed away a couple years ago and it was the only holiday we celebrated ever year as a family, never fail. Then she got cancer and she fought it until she lost the battle and passed away. November 8th 2007 in the early morning hours. That first Thanksgiving my sister insisted on having a turkey and playing scrabble. Scrabble was my mom's favorite game we were never big on it but every Thanksgiving we made a point of always playing scrabble, it made my mom very happy. Last year we did a big meal my sister and I preparing it all between the two of us. Our brother showing up late, but that is just how he is. And we played scrabble.
My sister is in the Air Force she got orders so she's out of the country this Thanksgiving. So I am doing all of the Thanksgiving dinner myself this year. My dad will come to my house and my brother I am sure will show up late. But there will be no scrabble this year. I can't bring myself to buy one and I won't ask my dad to bring my mom's. Besides I think it might be too much for me. I don't know how to explain it and I try not to let people see it but I can only take so much stress especially emotional stress before I break. I am only human after all. This is one of the hardest months for me anymore. If I could have it just quietly pass like other months I would. I am pretty sure my dad feels the same way. In fact I think he expected since my sister wouldn't be back for this Thanksgiving and my brother making noises for having to work that we wouldn't be celebrating together, that I would be celebrating with my husbands family. And to be honest usually on the way out to my dad's we stop at my husband's grandmother's house since she lives just don't the road from my dad. But I threw him when I called and asked if he wanted me to come cook the turkey at his house or if he wanted to come here for turkey. This will be the first Thanksgiving I will have cooked everything myself that ought to be very stressful for me. I hate it when the food I make don't turn out perfect.
Christmas is coming up here too. I swear it is sneaking up on me. I've done nothing, no christmas shopping and I haven't even started my Christmas cards. This year I wouldn't mind skipping all the Christmas hoopla and just doing a nice simple present free Christmas celebration. But I know that won't be happening and this will probably be the last Christmas we could get away with something like that. As the boys get older I imagine it'll be harder to convince my husband on the present free Christmas idea. Well it's late and I should lay in the dark in silence trying to sleep. I will try to post about the applesauce making and all that fun stuff.